Sad.

I try not to be a Debbie Downer, and I'm going to try my hardest not to be, but I need my moment. I'm writing tonight because I'm sad. Sometimes writing for me is easier than saying things out loud. Maybe that is something I need to deal with personally. Nonetheless, here I am. I miss my Dad so so much. I feel like there is a huge hole in my heart, and there is nothing that I can do to fix it. It hurts even more thinking about the fact that this hole in my heart, will never be repaired. Yes, with time, things will get better. However, I will never have my Dad back, and I will never get that piece of my heart fixed. I apologize to those friends who I am "neglecting" right now. I appreciate the phone calls, the voice mails, the text messages, the emails, everything. I'm just not ready to talk on the phone right now. It is hard for me to be around big groups of people, and its hard for me to fake normal. It is very common for me right now to have a conversation with someone, and then fall apart immediately after. I feel as though sometimes I struggle to even get words out of my mouth. It feels as though if I open my mouth, sobs will come pouring out, and I wont be able to stop. There are only few people that I can see right now. It is nothing personal, and I love all of my friends, I am just finding some things difficult to overcome. Please don't lose patience in me. I am getting there one day at a time. Its a daily struggle for me to focus on small tasks at hand. There are times when I can work for 30 minutes straight without thinking about my Dad, and then there are times where I stare at the computer for 30 minutes in my own little world. Every day feels dazed. I just miss him a lot.